Shonali Bhowmik Tribute + Idol Worship Cover
It’s been just over 24 hours since I found out about the unexpected passing of my friend Samuel M. Jayne and I am still processing just exactly why this hurts so badly. We hadn’t been in touch since April of this pandemic year but in one short email, as those of you who are also his friends can attest to, Sam can instantaneously fill your heart with light, laughter and joy. With ease (which doesn’t come from most of my male friends) he can write “I love you” and you know he means it. Note to those of you who don’t know Sam, his band was most appropriately called Love As Laughter. I remember the first time I heard Sam’s voice. I was playing Monopoly at Isaac Brock’s (Modest Mouse) home in Oregon in 2002 while on tour with my then band Ultrababyfat and David Cross. I was so taken with the music I asked “who is this?” Isaac went on and on about Sam and Love As Laughter. Only a few years later, I would be living in NYC and my new band Tigers & Monkeys would be performing with Love As Laughter and Sam would become one of my greatest supporters. I do know that is who he was for so many of us.
Sam wasn’t just an amazing songwriter, a musician, artist, a DJ, an event curator, a variety show host, a creative zealot, but he was also DAMN FUNNY and a great friend. He instigated fun and as I wrote above he was also your biggest fan! We played backyard art parties, DJ nights, rock shows, watched movies, drank together all while laughing til our sides hurt. I still think about him as Glenn Danzig at that Misfits cover show on Halloween 2010 and it makes me giggle nonstop. His friendship also represented me becoming a member of the larger NYC indie rock scene, which was an extension of my Nashville & Atlanta art community. Sam was the leader of the pack. He was one of a kind in his contagious spirit. He was a constant source of joy for so many of us and now I selfishly fear not having him here to do that. He is no longer here to elevate us. For him to have continued creating & supporting the arts at the pace he had for so long was inspirational. When you are a member of a tight knit creative community, the notion that it is getting smaller is scary. Especially here in NYC where the cost alone of living here has caused so many do-or-die artists to move.
For most of us, being an artist/musician/writer/creative is considered a risky life endeavor. The mainstream world doesn’t get it. For those of us who take this path, we all know it’s not a choice. It is in our DNA to create. You can not remove it from who we are. If you are from the outside of this community, it’s tough to understand. There are those who say “when is she/he going to give that up?” as if it’s a phase. By deciding to be yourself, you are deemed a “misfit” because your work does not fall into everyday mantras which are dictated to us by commerce & corporatism. As a “misfit” you will always be a person who creates, who shares, who exposes your vulnerability to the world. This takes an enormous amount of strength and courage. Sam Jayne did all of those things so beautifully. He gave everything to us at an exponential level. He did not judge. He was always on board to elevate your work and your being. He was a fan of art and culture. He created it and he made each of us feel special when so many others did not understand us.
Pursuing creative endeavors which do not result in financial gain, can cause great physical and mental toll with which you have no choice but to deal. It’s who you are. You continue to come up with different ways to financially supplement your artistic life. You are dismissed by the mainstream world because you aren’t focused (on making money), yet (the collective) they wouldn’t be able to live without the (your) arts. You keep quiet when dumb conversations regarding “How do you do it? Have you made it yet?” begin with strangers, family or friends because it’s not worth it. Also your loved ones mean well. You debate with yourself on the importance of your creations. We know the human race can not function without art, but can it function without your specific work? You don’t need to answer that question. Art heals us. It brings us together. It feeds us. Art gives our own lives meaning. It pushes us to see ourselves beyond how mainstream media & corporate interests perceive us and/or how politics defines us. I am rambling I know, but I share this to say that Sam’s life has provided us with an exponential level of connection and meaning. He made you feel special - he was a musician’s musician BUT he was also a person’s person! If you have read this far, I thank you for indulging in my trying to make sense of this moment. I hope that you allow Sam’s life to inspire you to continue pursuing your passions no matter how big or small they are, to begin to live more courageously, more spontaneously, to support your communities, to uplift your friends and to love more openly.
I love you,
Shonali
